Those special words...

How many times do you say 'I love you' to the person you love?

We all know those dramatic tv moments, in which a woman dies and her husband, while being in tears, says: "I never told her I loved her, I should have told her."

On the other hand, you probably also know someone who says that you should not tell it every day to the person you love, as the word would become meaningless.

We'll I'm one of those people who tells it every day again and I have to say that two days ago this thought slipped through my mind. As a result, I didn't tell my love how I felt for two days, but then I started to feel the need again to do so. 

When I said: "I love you." it felt so good. Then I realized, it doesn't matter if you say it seven days a week, because if you truly love someone every day, then why not tell him or her every day? Those words will never get meaningless at all!

It gets meaningless though, when it becomes a habit to say it, when those words come automatically and without you being conscious saying it. Only then it will be three simple words, without content.

So, take a look at yourself and check your emotions and consciousness when you speak out those sweet words. And if they do come from you heart, then please go on say it every day over and over again, because there is nothing more beautiful than Love.

Love or respect??

Do you know those calenders where you have one page for every day of the year, that every day you can rip one page off and read what's on the next?

Well, we have such a calender, and it has a saying on every page.. I don't really like it, as most of the times I disagree with the writer. For two months now, I've been thinking about this one saying. It says:

The best thing you can do for your children, is to love your partner.

I think most people who read it for the first time, will say: "yes, it's true." But is it really? Let us see.

What is the thing that frightens children the most? The idea of their parents breaking up... and when will they get that idea? Exactly, when their parents fight. Now we have established this, we need to see when couples do or do not argue.

I know a lot of people that deeply love their partners, but once in a while (once a month or maybe once a week) they just need to argue, they always find something to fight about. And this doesn't mean they don't love their partner, but they just have to sometimes...

In my opinion the best you can do for your children is to respect you partner. Because if you really respect a person, rather it is your partner or not, you don't feel the need to change that person.

Respecting a person is respecting it for all he or she is, his/her way of living and thinking, his or her being who he/she really is. It doesn't mean you have to agree with that person all the time, but it does mean that when you disagree, there is no problem, because they are them and you are you.

So as being in a relationship in which you respect you partner, there are two different and lovely people who share their lives, but both of them being themself. This make that there is harmony in the relationship and in the house. A very harmonious environment for your children to grow up in. And on this bases of reciprocal respect, there you can find Love.

Life as our guide...

Every time i't amazes me how life seems to work in our favour. I know that for some people, maybe even most people, it doesn't look like it, but if you would take a better look...

Since I started to have faith in life taking care of me I noticed big changes in my life. Sometimes they were very obvious, sometime I had to look very closely, but they were and are always there.

I think most people have a lack of this faith, and I don't judge them, as for not so long ago I was one of them, and sometimes I still am. 

Of course, life can be difficult, it can be really cruel, but even on the darkest moment you can hold on to the thought that life will not give up on you as long as you will not give up on life. Look for a little light, a little sparkling of hope and faith and hold on to that. Look for the small signs life is giving you to guide you. Be alert. Once you found one of those signs, make it yours and follow your intuition. Open your eyes and ears and you will see that your path gets clearer, more lightened, with more joy and happiness.

Don't blame life, it's up to you. Are you ready to open up and see those signs given to you by life, that makes you getting the best out of her?

Good luck and enjoy your journey!

An old Arabic saying:

"Don't open your lips if you're not sure that what your going to say is more beautifull than the silence."

Female Genital Cutting (FGC)

Female Genital Cutting

Left you can see a map of Africa which indicates the porcentages of FGC in different African countries. The darkest colour indicates a more then 75% of FGC. Really shocking isn't it?

I know that there are a lot of women in our society that don't even know what it is or if they've heard about it, they don't want to read anything about it and stay unknowing, because it's too embaracing and painful to see what has been done to so many women in those countries.

I still have two books waiting to be read, it's just that I don't have the time right now, but I definitly will read them. 

But what I actually wanted to point out right now is 'Why?' Why is this done to both women and men? I don't have the answer, I wonder is someone does. But I just read an very interesting article about FGC where three stories were given why those cultures still believe FGC should be done. I thought two of them were too ridiculous so I will not even mention them, I only want to stick to the first one, where has been referred to the sunna of the Islamic religion.

The sunna are old writings of the Profet Mohammed, written by his closed family and friends. Those writings tell about the life of the Profet and contains a moral. You wonder, what does this have to do with FGC?

One of the sunna tells the following story:

When the Profet married his second wife, the first got really jalouse. So she made a plan to make the Profet don't want his second wife anymore. With carbon she painted a beard and a mustach on the other girls face which could not be removed. But instead of rejecting his second wife, the Profet still liked her. So after this the first wife painted the second wifes gums with the same carbon, but the Profet still liked his second wife. So the last attempt of the Profets first wife was to remove the clitoris of her rival. Then, so has been said, the Profet saw the purity and beauty in this cutting as well.

When I read this sunna the moral it passes to me is the fact that the Profet loved his second wife even with her defects, the way she looked did not effect his love for her, as he saw the beauty inside her.

Now tell me why... even if you would believe that the Profet liked the physical aspect of his second wife, why don't we see women with a painted beard and mustach, or with painted gums... Why do we only hear those horrible stories of Female Genital Cutting?

For me this sunna was interpreted by the wrong people, by men who wanted to dominate their wifes. Women have always been and still are victim in war and powerstruggles.

I cannot say that I feel it is my particular duty to go to Africa and try to stop this terrible phenomenon, but I will not close my eyes and ears and keep unknowing and I will, definitly, celebrate with all my heart the day that Female Genital Cutting is over.

******************

Article:

INTEGRACION SOCIAL, IDENTIDAD ETNICA Y GENERO: LA SALUD
SEXUAL Y REPRODUCTIVA DE LAS MUJERES MIGRANTES
SUBSAHARIANAS: retos e implicaciones.

By:

Adriana Kaplan Marcusán
Profesora Titular de Antropología, Universitat Ramón Llull
Investigadora, Centre d’Estudis Demográfics, UAB

Redlight District or cleaning toilets?

Last Friday I went with my friend and my boyfriend to Amsterdam. As he was visiting me from Portugal and had never been to Holland before, he could not leave before seeing our capital, and all its famous attractions.

After biking around through the city we finally went to the redlight district, as he really wanted to see it of course.

Later, during diner, we were still talking about the girls in that street and then my friend said that she read an interesting article about the redlight district and the prostitutes. Surprisingly she had the magazine, Cosmopolitan, with her at that exact same moment, so I started to read.

The article was about a writer of that magazine, Annemarie van Looij, who wondered how it would be for the girls to sit there and being watch as an attraction and an object. So she got in touch with one of the best know prostitute of the street and they planned a day for her to sit down behind the window and experience what is it like to be there.

In the article she describes her experiences and than she got to the conclusion that she could have had earned an 800€ that day, but that she felt very uncomfortable and dirty just by being watch by tourists and men. The finished her article saying that if she ever would have a money problem she would prefer to clean toilets than being a prostitute at the redlight district.

This made me think and I reflected on it for two days. I was thinking, what would I prefer, what would I chose?

You can say that being a prostitute means that your not respected by the society, that it's bad and dirty. But is it really that much better to clean toilets? Just be honest to yourself. You're at the trainstation and you need to go to the toilet, at that moment there is a woman cleaning the toilets, do you really say hi to her? Do you talk to her or are you grateful to here for cleaning the toilets? Do you even look at her? And what thought do you have about her? I guess it is not much better than the way you would treat a prostitute. 

At the other hand, sitting behind a window on the redlight district, you can claim your respect. That is to say, if you're a prostitute out of free will and being your own boss, you can. The people in the street may look at you as if you are a peace of garbage, but as soon as somebody comes in, you can make him respect you. You are the boss in that room, you don't need to do what you don't want to do. He is your client, you're not his slave. And he will have to watch his tongue, because you will not let him mistreat you verbally. 

So if you would chose to clean toilets instead of being a prostitute, do you really think it gives you more respect from our society? And if you really have financial problems, why work a 40 hours per week for a minimum income on which you barely can survive instead of earning the same money in one week, working less hours.

So... what would you do??

Dankbaarheid

Een van de eerste dingen die je leert wanneer je een Reiki cursus gaat doen zijn de vijf Reiki principes. Dit zijn een vijftal leefregels waar je, nadat je bent ingewijdt in de Reiki, jezelf belooft daar zo goed mogelijk naar te leven. Deze vijf principes zijn:

Alleen voor vandaag:

Wordt ik niet boos

Maak ik me geen zorgen

Werk ik hard

Ben ik vriendelijk

Ben ik dankbaar

Over alle vijf valt een hoop te vertellen, maar ik wilde mij nu eigenlijk alleen even richten op de laatste 'Alleen voor vandaag ben ik dankbaar'. Er zijn, naar mijn idee, maar weinig mensen écht dankbaar in het leven, de meeste zijn geconditioneerd dankbaar. Wat wil ik daarmee zeggen?

Als een kind een kadootje krijgt, die pakt het aan en loopt weg, dan wordt hij door zijn moeder terug geroepen en zij zegt tegen het kind de standaard uitdrukking: 'En wat zeg je dan?' Vervolgens zegt het kind: 'Oh jah, dank je wel', draait zich vervolgens direct weer om en loopt alsnog weg. Hiermee is dan de taak van de moeder voldaan. Maar is dat werkelijk zo?

Op het moment dat het kind 'Dank je wel zegt' komt het er vaak alsnog ongeïnteresseerd uit en meestal kijkt hij de persoon tegen wie hij 'Dank je wel' zegt niet eens aan, want hij heeft zijn ogen alleen maar op het kadootje gericht. Als kind wordt je in die zin geconditioneerd om 'Dank je wel' te zeggen wanneer iemand je wat geeft, maar eigenlijk is het een inhoudsloze uitdrukking.

Maar wat is dan écht dankbaar zijn? Dankbaar zijn wil zeggen een innerlijk weten dat alles wat je wordt gegeven, hoe klein of hoe groot ook, een gift is van iemand voor jou. Een gift waar die andere persoon energie in heeft gestoken en wat helemaal niet verplicht is, oftewel een vrijwillige actie van die persoon. Het feit dat hij zijn aandacht en energie erin steekt om iets voor jou te doen, daar mag je al heel dankbaar voor zijn. En dan heb ik het over elke actie, ook voor de kassière die je boodschappen scant in de winkel, die onbekende die de deur voor je openhoudt of je vriend die je omhelst als je je even wat minder lekker voelt. Elke actie, klein of groot, vraagt om dankbaarheid.

En hoe toon je je dankbaarheid dan? Het allerbelangrijkste van het uiten van je dankbaarheid is oogcontact. Want alleen met oogcontact maak je daadwerkelijk contact met de persoon die je gaat bedanken. Wees vervolgens heel bewust in het uitspreken van je dank woorden, d.w.z. wees attent op elk woord dat je richt tot die persoon en leg je persoonlijke energie in die woorden. Je zult merken dat wanneer je werkelijk je dankbaarheid uitspreek je hartchakra opwarmt, want dankbaarheid stimuleert deze chakra. Het voelt dan alsof de woorden niet meer uit je mond komen, maar direct vanuit je hart. Wanneer je zover bent, dan kun je zeggen, 'ja, ik ben oprecht dankbaar!'